Hey Guys…
Lots of you in class have been asking about etiquette on the dance floor. I found this article from Addicted 2 Salsa which breaks down things that one should know while dancing on the dance floor…
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Top 10 behaviors for guys to avoid at the salsa clubs (and not be creepy)
Posted on about 4 years ago
For all of the guys out there wondering what goes through the minds of salseras (or women in general), I sat down with some fellow lady dancers and discussed behaviors that guys should avoid at the club. In any dance culture, there is a certain unspoken etiquette. For those who are new to salsa dancing, these tips may come in handy so that you don’t give the wrong vibe.
- We don’t endorse the use of force.
Ask the lady to dance with you, don’t
tell her she is going to dance with you. Grabbing her wrist and urging, “Come on. Just one song” does not fly. If she declines, the best reaction is to acknowledge her choice and walk away. No verbal persuasion, cajoling or physical dragging should be utilized – especially when her boyfriend is around. If she gives the bathroom excuse, do not wait for her outside the bathroom- that is just plain creepy.
- Ask her twice, she’ll turn to ice.
You can ask twice in one night, but not one right after the other. When a song has ended, it is best not to ask her to dance right away. Even if you both seemed to have fun, give it some time and leave her wanting more… that is much better than risking her wanting to push you away.
- Yakkity Yak? We won’t come back.
Leave the chatting to Cathy! Keep talking to a minimum- exchanging names and where you are from at the beginning of the song is fine, but what the ladies don’tlike is when guys sacrifice the dance itself, and end up doing basic step the whole song while chatting. This comes across as hitting on us.
- Giving advice is not very nice.
A HUGE dancing no-no is giving lessons on the dance floor. Many guys assume the girl is a beginner (and if she is not, this is extremely insulting) and give her lessons or tips while dancing. Advice has its place…in the studio.
- Look at her eyes, not at the prize
Maybe the girl is so enthralling (read: hot) you want to gaze into her eyes (or somewhere else) while dancing–but resist this temptation. It comes across as predatorial. Staring at her the entire time without blinking comes across sort of serial killer-ish. On the other hand, too little eye contact comes across as disinterested. Ladies appreciate a lead who makes eye contact now and then, to “check in”, or establish a connection. This ensures that both of us are having fun.
- Hug me too tight, I’ll put up a fight
How close is too close? Dancing is in essence a sensual activity, but everyone has their own limits, and crossing them can have negative consequences. Certain types of contact are more personal than others, like touching the face, stomach, or butt. These are areas that you should completely avoid with strangers (and yes, we are aware of the trick where your hands on our back keep getting lower, and lower…we don’t like it). Pay attention to the lady’s feedback. If her arm is around you on your shoulderblade, it’s a good sign. If, however, her left hand has wandered to the FRONT of your shoulder, and she is slightly pushing you away, you are too close.
- Don’t Drink and Dance
One or two drinks is fine, but if we can smell it on your breath, chances are you are sloppier than you think, and might even be more flirtatious than you think. This can affect both dancing skills AND etiquette. Oh, and PLEASE don’t spill your drink on the floor!!! (Note: if you have alcohol on your breath and get too close, it sends the message that you only want one thing).
- It’s raining, it’s pouring…oh wait…that’s your sweat?!
Let’s talk about shirts. Some of my male friends bring an extra shirt (or three) when they go out dancing, and the ladies love it! Anyone will appreciate someone who has good hygiene (showers are good, deodorant is good, a little body spray/cologne is nice, onions and B.O. are NOT so good). Axe makes a body spray that can fit in your pocket (or car), which could be handy. Though the girl may not seem to notice, she will subconsciously, and will be much more excited to dance with you again. Guys, you can read Anthony’s “The Salsa Axe Effect” for more details.
- Bumper cars make us see stars
There is no better way to get a girl to leave than letting her get her foot crunched by another girl’s heel. “Oh! I’m in pain! I guess I’ll have to go sit down…” We know that much is out of your control, and sometimes dance floors get crazy, but just try your best to help us stay safe on the dance floor. If we are bumping into people right and left, we may begin to believe that you are not looking out for us at all. Ladies like to get rescued, right? Well, rescue us from injury with a simple cross body lead away from the potential offender. We appreciate that as a modern form of chivalry.
- Dancing With The Stars is a show on ABC
Not every lady’s dying dream at a club. In fact, too much showing off is a huge turn-off. This includes, but is not limited to: dips, tricks, dancing for your “audience” instead of for/with your partner, and in some locations*, that move in which the guy plants his feet and waits as his partner is expected to “do her thing” (*avoid this if you live anywhere other than Los Angeles). On the flip side, try not to go into autopilot, going through your moves mechanically rather than dancing to the music (we’ll get bored). Women REALLY appreciate a good connection when we dance, and if you are showing off for others or on autopilot, we won’t feel it. This is an area where you can get major points, regardless of level. Ladies can have a blast with a total beginner if he is into the music, and establishes a good connection during the dance.
Breaking any of these rules of etiquette will increase the probability that you will not get future dances with the girl. Why? She may have misinterpreted your intentions. The important thing is to understand what different behaviors and body language communicate. Since these 10 behaviors are all ways you can possibly offend salseras, it is better to err on the side of caution, and get lots of repeat dances with very satisfied ladies. I recommend getting a group together just like I did and asking them what they think…you might make some interesting discoveries. Follow up with this discussion in the community section…guys, we want your opinions too! What behaviors should the ladies avoid at clubs?
A big thanks to my salsera friends for collaborating! Names will not be posted to protect the innocent. 😉
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Here is another article I found for etiquette for both guys and gals from Latin Energy Dance. Very good reading. Please let me know your thoughts on this…
- When asking someone to dance, be polite, if you don’t know the person you are asking, first introduce yourself and then ask her or him to dance, 99% of the time, they will say yes if you’re nice!
- When dancing, pay attention to your partner, keep eye contact and try to smile as often as possible. Nobody enjoys dancing with a grouch, no matter how good they dance…
- When someone makes a mistake, don’t argue about it or give them attitude, laugh it off and keep dancing, this will relax the person who made the mistake. The more relaxed you are when you dance, the better you will lead and follow.
- When dancing in a crowded club, keep your steps small and move your body more (on the spot). When restricted with space, keep your elbows to yourself, try to move your hips more, shoulders etc, and you will find that you don’t step on other dancers… and other dancers won’t step on you… hopefully 😉
- When leading a beginner dancer, KISS 🙂 (keep it simple stupid) ha ha Don’t try all your complicated moves on the first 4 bars, start slow, single spin, CBL, basic, and as they relax, try to slowly bring the level up to their limit.
- When following a beginner dancer, be nice, smile and make them feel comfortable and relaxed so they can remember their steps… if they make a mistake, just smile and keep dancing! Remember, we were ALL beginners at one point.
- When dancing, leave behind anything that could get in the way … your purse, your drink… etc.
- Try not to wear a watch or any jewellery that could get caught on hair or clothing.
- When entering the club, wipe the bottom of your shoes or change your shoes before getting to the dance floor. When it’s raining or snowing out, all that mud and dirt will stay on your shoes and if you walk through the dance floor leaving a mud trail behind you, other people with dance shoes on will not appreciate it.
- When you’re not dancing, don’t stand in the way of other people trying to dance. Even if you want to watch, stand back and leave the space on the dance floor to people who are dancing.
- When you arrive to the dance club, never say no to the first person asks you to dance. Once you get out there a couple of times with different partners, other potential partners will know you won’t turn them down.
- A hardwood dance floor should be treated with care. Drinks, food and cigarettes on the dance floor are a big NO NO.
- If you are a beginner, remember that everyone out there has probably experienced that same sweaty palm, stiff-as-a-board, jittery feeling. It will pass, relax, smile and enjoy the music!
- If you had a great dance with someone, tell them at the end of song! They will love to hear it.
- And last but not least, when greeting someone with a kiss, if your face is all sweaty, DO NOT make cheek contact!!!! Shake hands or kiss the air…
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TIPS FOR THE LADIES:
- When your have long hair, try to tie it in a way that it won’t whip your partner or other dancers around you. Getting hit in the eye by flying hair does not feel great.
- When dancing, don’t wonder around with your eyes looking at other dancers. This will tell your partner that you wish you were dancing with them… and not him.
- If your partner has forgotten to shower that day, try to smile and breath through your mouth 🙂 This way, you will still enjoy the dance instead of trying to hold your breath for a whole song.
- Girls, I cannot stress this enough, do not anticipate moves. You may think you know the move and just go without letting your partner lead you. There are millions of combinations so never assume it’s the one you know…
- When styling, make sure you bring your hands back by 3 (when dancing on 1). Your partner needs your hand by 3 to start leading, turning… etc.
- Always look at your partner, pay attention to hands and body movements and you’ll be able to follow much better.
- Relax your arms and shoulders when following, this will allow your partner to lead better.
- Don’t sink into your steps, this will make you slow and heavy, stay on your toes and keep soft knees to follow quickly and light.
TIPS FOR MEN:
- Don’t stare at your partner’s chest when asking her to dance or while dancing.
- Say thank you after dancing the first song… if you wish to continue dancing, ask one more?
- Most important, try to remember, your partner is not disposable – don’t toss her around like a bowling ball.
- Try to wear a cotton shirt under your dress shirt, this will help absorb the sweat and keep you dryer. If you tend to sweat a lot, try to bring an extra shirt or towel.
- Try NOT to wear your “construction boots” type shoes on the dance floor. If you happen to step on a girl wearing sandals or dance shoes, she will never forget or forgive!
- When wearing a long sleeve dress shirt with buttons on the cuffs, try to roll up the cuffs. Those buttons always catch on the girls’ hair.
- Girls love to get dipped, but not into a table or someone else. Always look around before you dip her. If her hair is down and it’s long, don’t dip her low or other people will step on her hair.
- And most important, treat your partner like a lady. She will always love dancing with you.
Thank you for taking the time to read these tips!